Can I Last 8 More Weeks?

It's official, I am falling apart.
I think I gained 10 pounds in the last 24 hours.
Seriously.

I woke up this morning, to a pile of flesh on my abdomen that resembled Mt Everest and immediately thought "Where did that come from?!?!" I must have said it out loud cause Aaron said "You're pregnant!" and laughed at me, rubbing my huge belly!

Of course I know I am pregnant, but seriously my belly where Aubrey lives seems to have doubled in square miles just with in the last 24 hours. What was a cute little baby bump is now much more round and global than I think I have ever seen in my life! Clothes can only hope to resemble a tent at this point!!

When I pointed out this revelation to Aaron, he quickly came back with "Honey you look beautiful!" But then when I asked "Aren't you shocked at how HUGE I am?" He couldn't lie. The words "A little bit" slipped out of his mouth and he disappeared into the shower. As I stood up, I heard actual creaking of the floor beneath me and possibly my pelvic bones. I know it is too early for her to have dropped, but I have now can only get around in a series of waddle/shuffle type movements. My hips have just about given up!

And it is not just my expansive middle that has me worried.

I am leaking. Everywhere. All the time. My nose is stuffy and like a faucet. My boobs seem to think I have had the baby already and are in overdrive. I am sweating profusely (May in Texas and we already visiting the daily 90's!!). And don't get me started on what happens if I sneeze or get to giggling about something.

I also have these ugly blotchy spots on my face that I have read will go away once the baby is born, but I am starting to think I will look like this forever.

Poor Aubrey will attend her first day of kindergarten and I will have a cane and a moo moo and enough cake style make up to cover a small circus. In fact that is what they will call me "Circus Lady!" Poor Aubrey!

This is FAR from the cute summer pregnant belly I had imagined.

We have scheduled Aubrey's delivery for July 22nd. That is a little over 8 weeks away. Let the countdown begin!

There is a possibility that I will be released from bed rest on June 2nd, when we see Dr. R. I will be SO happy if that happens. I think this restful lifestyle has defiantly contributed to my general lack luster and growth. But to be honest, if I am off bed rest, I am not sure how much I will be able to do anyway, with out getting sweaty and breathless.

I wonder if I even fit behind the steering wheel anymore.

It doesn't help that I watched the ending of Dancing with The Stars last night. As Derrick and Nicole twirled around the ballroom I looked over at Aaron and said with much confidence "After Aubrey is born, I am gonna look like that"

Aaron smiled reassuringly "I know you will, baby,"

And I will- it just might take 10 years and $10 million dollars.

Just us Girls

Zoe is home with me today.

Currently she is snuggled up asleep at the end of the couch, her long legs and feet in my lap.

And Aubrey is curled up in my belly, also snoozing, her legs and feet in my ribs- Ha Ha!!

This "older" baby girl of mine has had quite a dose of medical experiences lately. She fractured her pinky, and was casted- the cast is off now thank goodness. But then last week, she began complaining of a tightness in her chest, so my mom took her to the doctor who gave her a breathing treatment, prescribed arbutorol inhaler and ordered chest x-rays.

Are they just trying to see how much medical attention one family can take? Sid thinks we may be on a hidden camera show!!

Her x-rays came back normal, so they are calling her "condition" reactive lung, and according to Dr. F and nurse, that is when the lungs restrict after exercises or allergies, not allowing enough are to go to and fro.

So, the inhaler will go with her to school daily and home each evening.

Today however, her problem appears to be a stomach virus. She woke me up last night/early this morning, with inconsolable stomach pain. It was obviously real to me, as the normal "cuddling" and "tickling her back" were not only not wanted, she refused to let me touch her. I tried to trouble shoot weather or not the pain was crampy or vomity. Still not much you can do for either other than wait it out.

She throbbed around in pain for about 45 minutes, ate a banana, sucked on some ice chips, cried, curled up straightened out, nothing was working. So she took a warm bath and was able to fall back asleep.

She is so peacefully asleep right now, and I am so thankful the pain has seemed to stop.

Nothing hurts worse than your child being in pain. Except maybe when they are really really sad- that hurts too!

On a different note, I had my check up with Dr. K yesterday. Pretty routine visit. They drew blood, check my cervix (snug as a bug), did some external belly measurements, listened to Aubrey's race horse heart beat, and ( drum roll here) scheduled her induction!!

Aubrey should meet the world July 22nd!! It is an amazing feeling knowing when I will be in the hospital giving birth to this sweet girl!

My mind is racing with all the different variables. Will she be head down, will I be able to deliver her the way I want to (NOT C-section), will my body respond well to the pitocin? One thing Aaron and I talked about was, the way this pregnancy has gone so far- expect the unexpected!

Knowing God is in control is a great comfort! This is all part of his plan! And I feel at peace knowing he chose us for all of this.

Another thing my mind is racing with is getting a bag ready for the hospital. I am not even going to go sporadically into labor and yet I still want the comfort of that emergency bag by the door. And of all things I want in that bag, are baby mittens!! I demanded Aaron got to the store and purchase baby mittens immediately, but he is so much calmer and cooler than me.

He knows there is time!

Until then, I will just slow down and cherish these peaceful moments with my girls :)

Days Go By

These days that I have been on bed rest have been filled with so much love, sometimes I feel like it is keeping me a float. The kids love seeing me at home, and they love the baby already. Sid often asks how she is doing, and last night Zoe kissed my belly. I think about how neat it must be, to see me singing a song to my belly, and talking lovingly about our newest little girl. It gives them a window into the past of how much I loved them too before they were even here.

And Aaron is forever doting- I carry such precious cargo for him; his heart and his sweet little baby. The awe that he has about this baby is exhilarating for me, in otherwise monotonous days. I feel like I am on new territory right there with him, and in a lot of ways I am. This pregnancy has had a lot of firsts for both of us.

Where would I be with out the friends and family that I have stepped up to take care of me these last few weeks. It is amazing the sweetness and Godliness that comes right out of the wood work when you are down and out. Tons of friends have shown up with dinners and words of encouragement. My mom has been here happily, making my lunch, cheerfully refiling my water glass, doing our laundry, washing our dishes. And dad has taken Bailey on walks and brought lunch several times. Aaron's mom has made us dinners and visited with me tons- it is so amazing to have such supportive family. And such great food!

Speaking of great food, my friend Lacey is coming over tonight with her girls and making me dinner!! Fried chicken, mash potatoes, and corn!! I am thankful you can't see my right now, cause I just started drooling all over the keyboard- eww! I haven't seen her since I was still in my 1st trimester- I am super excited!

My sweet family continue to be my daily inspiration- they make all of this ok, the shots, the bed rest. The days go by with a silver lining because of them. All 4 of them. I hope they know that when I sing, I am singing to them too. "I loved you the first time I saw you, and I always, always love you...."

Bed Rest Day 19: The Room Project

Let me start this post with telling everyone that the cast did come off!! I guess mom was really scary and she laid down the law with that Dr. Q (Or, the x-ray showed all was well and it was just time) Zoe is like a pet rabbit out of her cage for the first time!! She still needed help with some things last night cause she is "not use to it yet" and this mama doesn't mind :)

Anyways....Sitting in my living room and bedroom all day, I have come to realize how bleak these rooms are. I am not very good at decorating at all- store displays have always baffled me. I have even seen pictures in magazines and pottery barn catalogs and I can't ever quite recreate what I see.

I'll tell you why, its cause I am scared! I am scared of wall color, I am scared of change, I am scared I will choose a style or theme for a room and change my mind in a weeks time. I need a look that is timeless.

Maybe I just have bad taste. If I was being honest, the style that I think I like is a cross between farmhouse cottage and seaside bungalow. Neither of which is a very good representation of where I live (small, older suburb in Texas) There are a ton of little projects that my living room could use- to really make it spring to life! The first of which would be new paint and floors. The floors thing is probably not an option right now- but the paint is defiantly doable.....When Aaron has time......

When I think of my farmhouse beach side fantasy home, I see clean lines (I watch too much HGTV), subtle colors (I love blue- every room would be blue if I had my way) white walls, lots of natural light, simple accessories that give that beach side farmhouse feel. I love simple country. I think these pictures represent what I like.

I should probably look at the color scheme that I already have going in this room to see where I should start. Couches: Dark Brown, In Tables and Coffee Table: Dark Brown, Piano: Brown, Mantel over Fireplace: Brown. Two mix matched lamps: one silver with white glass, and the other, brown and gold buffet style lamp. Throw Pillows: brown gold and blue- AHHHH! Finally a color. On a pillow. My over use of the color brown screams one thing.. SCARED!

My instinct is to go with a taupe or latte type brown for the walls- which would be fine, if I would just add color in other areas. Wall Art, Candles, Maybe a Vase............

Looking at the pictures above, I am inspired to do something rather than nothing!!

Lofty goals for someone who can't leave the couch or bedroom! I could always order my new living room online.... I'll let you know what I find!

Cast Away

Today is a big day at our house!

Zoe may be getting her cast off this morning.

Her and my mother are on there way to Varsity Orthopedics now, to see Dr. Q.

I, however, am there in spirit only. Yesterday's appointment with Dr. K confirmed what Aaron already knew- bed rest shall continue. It really feels like it will never end- and the things I will miss seem to loom bigger and larger in the near future.

But enough of that for now, the subject of today is the cast.

She should get her cast off and another x-ray to confirm all is healed (please Lord!). Then she will be "free" from the ball and chain of having an appendage bound. I know her mind is very busy thinking of all the things she will do once that cast off- I guarantee you a left arm will have never been more used.

The alternative to her cast coming off, is the x-ray showing that all is not healed and then my mother (through my psychic communication) will fight them tooth and nail to not have another cast reapplied. but something more along the lines of a splint or a Popsicle stick with tape! ANYTHING but the cast.

If they are able to resist my mother's persuasive arguments and they insist on re casting, then we may just have to do the water proof cast (to the tune of $200, since insurance doesn't recognize the water proof cast as a necessity)(obviously the insurance company has never tried to bathe a pre teen daughter with a bagged arm, while on bed rest) (Did I mention this daughter is crazy habitual about having her hair shampooed and conditioned thoroughly every night). So hopefully the water proof cast would take care of us having to hover over the grooming of one particular 11 year old.

So that is where my mind is this morning.

On another note, Aaron is in his last week of school. He left the house this morning before the roosters were up, after studying well past midnight for a Math test he has today (I am sure the subject matter is more complex than just "math", but when an overly sensitive pre occupied wife asks you what your test is going to be on, I guess it is simpler to smile and say "math" and not "vertex formulas and telescoping compounds"). So, my prayers are with him. Aaron continues to be stoic, and I am never certain if her is nervous before his exams or not. I am sure he will do fine!

But I do know that the light is at the end of the tunnel!! Last day of school for him is Thursday, and graduation Saturday!! The pride I feel for Aaron is thought the roof! I have such reverence for his ability to do it all- especially the way this last month has gone with him playing not only role of student, intern and supportive husband, but also, full time parent, housekeeper and all the other general "mom" duties.

So he too is near being free from a type of cast- no more school, no more books, no more test!!

....Until graduate school starts this summer :) But that is another story!

Monday, Monday.....

Monday we went to see Dr. R who is a perinatologist (high risk pregnancy obstetrician). Aaron took the day off to go with me. Mom went too, cause lately, I need more ears hearing the medical advice I am getting. I tend to get hung up one word or phrase, and miss the bigger picture. Probably part of my ADD.

Dr. R is an incredibly bright, gentle woman, who handled my care with so much precision. It was wonderful to receive such wonderful medical advice. I really really like her. I think she could read the anxiety on my face and immediatley began to explain everything very thoroughly.

Following a very extensive ultrasound (we saw every angle of our sweet tender baby girl- we even got some 3d images that I will post as soon as I learn how) (She looks a lot like Aaron and is SO SO beautiful- not surprised)she talked with us in detail about the findings and what can be done.

I currently have two bleeds between my placenta and uterus. We know by now that these clots can cause serious problems. Since thrombolphilla is a disorder that promotes blood clotting, they have prescribed me a blood thinner for me called Lovenox. This will more than likely not take care of the current clots (though it may) but even more important it will prevent more clots from forming.

I got tense as the discussion turned to the Lovenox shots are given. They are injectible in the stomach only (a very very wrong feeling, when you spend this whole time protecting your belly when you are pregnant). I will be taking these shots daily between now and when the baby comes, and for 6 weeks post partum.

Also, we found out that a common practice with this medication it to schedule the babies delivery at 37 to 38 weeks, so that I can be off the blood thinner 24-48 hours before then. Induction could mean regular delivery or it could mean a c-section.

I was really scared upon the diagnosis and recommended treatment. To be honest, the whole thing is just very foreign to me. I had so much anxiety sleep was out the window Monday and Tuesday night and they were replaced with long talks with God and lots of pondering of what the future holds.

I have administered the shot myself, Tuesday and Wednesday night, and to be fair, things didn't go that bad. Aaron of course was by my side both times walking me through and holding my hand when I need it most. Once again, is strength is overwhelming. I am so afraid that he might crumble one day under the weight if all this stress.

I am not experiencing any side effects, though I do have slight head aches that make me a little worried, since that is not one of the side effects listed. But that could also come from hours and hours of inactivity, and not a lot of sleep at night and too many hours of TV.

I did sleep amazingly well last night, so maybe that will take care of the headaches. We'll have to see.

I meet with Dr. K on Monday, for my regular check up, at that time my bed rest will be re evaluated. I am hopeful that I will be off bed rest, Aaron however is not optimistic about this. He thinks bed rest will for sure continue given my diagnosis and the high risk pregnancy tag that is on every Dr's chart I have across Tarrant County.

I am resolved to stay positive and put all of my fears and trust in the Lord.

My "Daily Verse" email Wednesday morning read "The Lord is the strength of his people; he is the saving refuge of his anointed." Psalm 28:8

My really sweet friend Kelly brought me dinner Tuesday night and told me that she has known three people that were on Lovenox the entire pregnancy, and that the babies were born healthy and the moms are healthy too. Kelly was more of a blessing to me than she can even imagine. The relief I felt was overwhelming and I am certain God's hand was at work, having her bring me dinner and deliver such kind words.

I thank God every time I feel this sweet angel kick.
I kiss my kids every chance I get and feel them up with knowledge for the future and tell them how bright and amazing they are.
And I kiss Aaron a little longer and put myself in his arms, every time he is still.

I know all of us will pull through this just fine. More than fine- AMAZING! And stronger and closer.

And for that we are so grateful.

Conversations WIth Angels

And the story goes: "Two angles left for school this morning, and they took my heart with them."
I have really sweet kids.

They are brilliant and kind. If I do say so myself!

And not just cause they are mine- anyone would say this about them.

Since I have been on bed rest, our normal routine has changed. Pretty much everything I did for them is now done by someone else- I think they are realizing exactly how much I use to do.

I don't make their school lunches, or breakfast or dinner. I don't drive them to school. I don't make sure their favorite clothes are clean, I don't tidy thier room and turn down the beds while they shower. We don't go for walks around the block, I don't pick them up from mom's.

And they have totally stepped in to help while mama's been down.

Yesterday they put away laundry.

Sunday they helped Aaron plant trees in the backyard. (and named them "Dog" and "Sweetie Pie Cookie")

They help with dinner and the dishes.

They surprise me everyday and I miss them when they are not here.

And I marvel, as I think about how God trusted me with these two little angels. He gave them to me, when I didn't even know how to make anything for dinner but hamburger helper and ramen noodles. He trusted me to keep them alive and nourish them and teach them about Him. He lent me two angels, to raise and love, and eventually return to him. I still can't believe it! He gave me the best angels in the world, when I was so undeserving.

Isn't that what we call grace? When we get so much more than we desrve?

And I am so down on my knees grateful. I don't take one moment with them for granted. The thought of being with out them is too much to bare.

This past weekend Kyle (my brother in law) and Brigitte (my future sister in law) came over. Brigitte is one of the sweetest people I have ever met, and she has a contagious smile and an infectious laugh! You can see God shine in her playful spirit!

Anyways, she surprised me with the most beautiful neacklace that has 4 charms on it- one of each of my babies birthstones and a cross. I have worn it daily since and it feels so good having something on that keep them close to my heart and always on my mind.

Someone long ago said to me, about raising children, "Love them like they could die tomorow, teach them like you could die tomorow."

By giving these children to me, God has taught me all about true love, and self sacrifice, and disicpline and what it means to want more for someone else than what you want for yourself. And doing whatever it takes to make sure you are there one more day.

When God gave them to me, he saw the bigger picture, he saw things I didn't see yet.

He continues to give me grace- I am so thankful to have my children and talk with these angels that God has lent me for a while :)

Visions of Summer

One thing is certain.

If I ever get OFF bed rest, you will be find me in the swimming pool this summer.

I think when mama's realize that they are going to have a summer baby they instantly think of all those celebrities that have been caught by the paparazzi at the beach in there 2 piece swimsuits, all tan with those long, long legs. They make pregnancy look like a cute fashion accessory.

I on the other hand do not have long legs, or a tan. But I do have dreams. And one of those dreams is to be submerged in nice cool water this July. Again, if I am off bed rest by then.

And since I have TIME on my hands at the moment, I thought I would research cute maternity Swimsuits online. I am not sure if I can through with buying one online. Who knows if it will fit and support where I need support?

On the other hand I don't think physically standing under the harsh florescent lights of a changing room at the mall is going to make me feel any better about my purchase.

My instinct is to buy a solid color suit- I think patterns will make me look more spread out. (and my girlfriend Lacey advised me NOT to buy red- for fear I will look like Mr Koolaid- thanks for the tip Lacey!)

Here is what I have found so far:


I think this one is a good length, cause my butt isn't really showable at the moment. The halter gives me the impression tha it has good support, but some halter are saggy.
I really like the aqua colored one, but these girls don't even really look pregnant. And I am not sure there is enough bra support. I do like the chocolate bow though.

I will more than likely not be wearing the cowboy hat. And again, is she even pregnant?

This one might get mistaken for a nightie.... but I like the length.

Hmmm.

Let me know ladies, what you wore for a maternity suit in the Texas summer heat, and feel free to vote on which suit you like in the comments sections.

Bloodwork Results

I have two blood deficiencies that are both found within a disorder called Thrombophilia.

Basically I cannot absorb folic acid which helps prevent blood clotting, and the other deficiency causes blood clotting.

While all of that sounds scary on the surface, it sounds like things can be done to ensure that the baby and I are ok. None of this affects the baby directly, but can cause complications that would affect her and the placenta.

What can we do?
The first thing would be to start taking a baby aspirin once a day.

Next, my Dr has called in a prescription prenatal vitamin that has a special kind of folic acid that I can absorb.

Last, we are to meet with a specialist on Monday to discuss a treatment plan, which may include daily home injections of something called Lovanox (not 100% sure of the spelling).

I have gone to the March of Dimes Website and found good information there. And I have a lot of hope that things will turn out fine. We will arm ourselves with God's word and get as much sound medical advice as we can find.

I am ordered to still take it easy (Look for my upcoming post entitled "Parenting from the Couch" Hee hee), continue bed rest, go back to the Dr if there is any more spotting.

I feel a little bit like I am on a roller coaster. I am not one who enjoys things to be out of my control and if I am being honest, I don't really like medical stuff in general- I can be very squeamish.

Squeamish as in, don't watch ER, don't watch real stories from the ER, don't watch cage fighting, and I won't help co workers apply a bandage to an injured thumb. I get so grossed out. Aaron can tell you for the first part of our married life, once he found out my inability to handle thoughts of the inner workings of my body, he took great pleasure in describing gross things, like veins being crushed behind my knees when I sit or under my feet while I walk, or hooks in my ribs that were causing me pain when I coughed. I would make a face like I had just sucked on a lemon every time, and turn pale- it brought him so much joy! (Sicko!! See, he isn't ALWAYS perfect).

So the plan is to meet with specialist on Monday and go from there.

Thanks for listening and I will keep you posted.