The Haircut (And How It Is A Metaphor for Mine and Zoe's Relationship Right Now)

So, I haven't talked much about the change in mine and Zoe's relationship, probably because its really painful for me to think about, much less vocalize. Let me start by saying that I won't go into all the details, out of respect for my girl. But there has been a change. A letting go if you will, a cutting of the apron strings. Zoe and I had quite the bond from birth to age 10. Like connected at the hip kind of close. We were "closerthanthis". And we were so tightly wound up with one another, that any "seperation" was bound to feel catastrophic. And let me tell you this has been on the rictor scale like a 9 for me (not sure about the rictor scale actually- but a 9 sounds about right.)

There comes a certain time in every young ladies life when she must kind of pull away from her mama. She has to leave the nest little by little and learn to fly on her own. That is the stage that me and my little birdie are at right now. It started gradually with her not wanting notes in her school lunch last year. Which was a huge blow for me, but also understandable- I sort of figured she was the only one still with notes from her mama.

Then she wanted to "redo" her room, taking down all cuddly kitten posters and sweet puppies in baskets posters. And all of her calico critters got moved to the garage with the doll houses. And American Girl stuff too- ALL Gone! Replaced by art supplies and journals.

Then came more stuff, things that I have always done with her but now she wants to do herself. Again, very normal though a little painful for this mama. But now her clothes are different and she leaves the room in the middle of me talking and I am sure if she read this she would roll her eyes, cause lately eye rolling has been the most consistent communication we have had.

And it is breaking my heart.

Zoe is not a bad child by any means. I am not fearing that she has gotten "into" a bad group or any thing like that. I think she is just letting go. I did it (rather harshly too, now that I think of it- sorry mom!) (Hmm complete with haircut and a nose peircing- yikes! So far I count myself lucky) (Agian Sorry MOM!)

Most of my girlfriends and I have all talked about the time between 16 and 25 when mom wasn't needed anymore and she was annoying and so on. So I am not completley unaware that this is part of the normal process, it is just super hard on me.

This is the most recent picture of Zoe
from Aubrey's birthday party. Note the warning look that says to Aaron (the photograoher) "if you want to keep your camera, stop snapping photos of me"

I have always loved Zoe's hair. It is beautiful long lucious! And it has curl and volume and it had golden strands and a auburn tint that puts Julia Roberts "Vivian" to shame. And I think Zoe knows how much I love it.

So she comes to me last week while I am doing the laundry and says

"mom, I think I want to cut my hair."

"Yes," I agree. "Back to school hair cuts are needed for both of you"

"Not just a trim, I want it like really short....."

I can't tell you what else she said after that, cause my heart fell and I think I started sorting the laundry all wrong, hence an hour later I had a washer full of towels and jeans and a really cute turqouise blouse from forever 21. Cut her hair? Really short? Like.....a boy? I was confused.

She proceded to show me a picture she found online of an adorble model with a short hair cut modeling a cute retro slouch hat. I admired her matureness to research a picture and said something very cool like "Absolutley not, sorry- there is no way!" Which I beleive was met with an eyeroll and possibly a stomp off! What?? Could there have been a cooler way to handle that? Probably! Was I totally unprepared for that moment? Uh yes!

So, days go by and Zoe tries again. "Mom, I still really want my hair short" At this point she knows we both have hair appts on Friday. This time I am a little more prepared and try the more sublte 'play into her biggest fears approach'. I point out that she is about to start middle school- a brand new school! Does she really want something drastic to set her apart from everyone and possibly bring unwanted attention at a brand new school?
"True" she said quietly and left the room.

Mission accomplished.

Or so I thought.

And by the way that probably wasn't my finest parenting moment, encouragin the fear of a 12 year old who is obviously more confident about who she is at that age then I was. I think I even still played with barbies at age 12. But I was desperate. I really was afraid that she would chop off her hair and hate it and then we would have school in 1 week and I would have MORE of a problem on my hands with her anxiety! SO I thought I was doing her a favor.

I digress.

SO we leave to get hair cuts and before we get out of the car she states "I've decided I am still getting my haircut really short,"

"Uh, no, I though we discussed that"
"But I really will like it- I have given it a lot of thought"

"Well, what about a bob"
"No mom I don't want a bob"

"But you would look so cute with a bob, stacked in the back, etc"

"No, mom."

Big Brown eyes. Anguished expression.

Then it dawned on me. Why was I so against her trying something new? Was it just one more change that I thought I couldn't handle? She obviously thinks she can, she even made a folder on the desktop of our computer for haircuts and had been placing ideas in it when she came across a cute style. I had tried to forwarn her of the possible consequenses and she had heard me and still wanted to try it. What was the real problem here. Somewhere from the time we got out of the car adn walked inside, I could hear James Dobson, whispereing "pick your battles". ANd it was true, it wasn't like she was wanting a mohawk.

Here is the after.

Note the smile :)

I would love to say that I was so cool the whole time just playing with my phone. But I was hyperventalating- for real, I could barely breathe as all her curls hit the floor- like 5 inches at a time. The hairdresser even shot me a warning look when I stood up and walked over to observe more closley. She looked so confident in that chair and a young woman emerged as the baby hairs fell to the ground. And we both survived!

It actually looks really cute!

I miss my baby girl, but I think I had a glimpse that even though we may not see eye to eye over the next several years, and there is probably even more eye rolling to come everything is going to turn out ok.

And don't tell Zoe, but to me, it kind of looks like a "bob" ;)