Sidney.

My son is growning way too fast.

This occured to me last night while I was getting his stuff ready for his 1st soccer game today. The soccer game that I will not get to see because of work. Where is his childhood going? Why have I been so busy most of his life? I want time with him. I want things to slow down.

8 years ago God gave me this little baby boy, who wouldn't open his eyes and seemed to disagree with everyone that he had even been born yet. Looking back, I was so unready to be a mama. I was a mess. But everything started to change for me when Sidney came.

Today was Sid's 1st soccer game and I couldn't be there. Sid and Zoe's dad stayed with them at the soccer fields while I went (ran)to my car and drove (sped)to work. I left Sid sitting in the grass, with his soccer ball, water bottle and envelope with a check for pictures. So much responsibility for such a young man. He didn't look too enthused to see me leaving. Aaron went to the soccer fields and it began to rain. The game was canceled. Aaron stayed for a few minutes, but everyone was leaving in the middle of this horrid downpour. But he never found Sid.

I sat thinking about Sid last night and how he is going to be nine. And I thought that I am not ready for him to grow anymore. He needs to stay the same for a couple more years. His childhood is flying by. I mean zooming away without me. He use to crawl up in my lap and fall asleep while I sang to him. He use to tie a little blanket around his neck and play hockey with a rubber stick and puck. And now he rolls his eyes at me sometimes and doesn't take everything I say as Fact. He is so handsome. But he loathes it when I call him handsome. He wants to be called COOL. He is so smart and is learning so much in school. He's beyond just coloring, now he's building and expierementing. He breaks my heart.

This is such an eye opener that I must slow down. I have to spend time with him and not let day after day get away from me. This mama wants memories with her children, not just rushing to get out the door on time and hurried kisses goodbye. I may not be able to change the fact that he is turning nine, but I can change me. And I am gonna. For Sidney.