Having Lost My Way

I have been distant from God. Maybe distant isn't the correct word- more like completely absent. I know we all go through times of not going to church and not praying, but this absence is starting to resemble a marathon. And I am shaken.
We were in Disney World at the beginning of June, late at night in bed, when I woke Aaron up. "Aaron, I don't think I have been very close to God, lately." I said through tears that surprised me by there presence. He told me not to worry. He told me that I wasn't separated from God. He eased the sudden panic I felt, and I decided the onslaught of despair I was feeling was due to the exhaustion from the trip and the normal highs and lows of a family vacation. As I drifted to sleep, I made a mental not to get the kids devotionals that I had packed out in the morning and do a bible study with them.
But I didn't.
I haven't picked up a bible in almost 2 months.
I have distanced myself from my bible study friends.
I haven't been to church since May.
I haven't even prayed but maybe 5 times in June, and 2 of those were probably along the line of "Please don't let me be late to work", or "Please keep the kids from sending to the crazy farm."
Although I did pray during May, I know, cause I had miracles I was praying for. And God showed up big time for those that I was praying for. 4 names were tapped to my bathroom mirror, and verses that I knew God would put into action for each person. I had seen real miracles with those individuals. Blessing that can only be the work of our Lord. Things fall into such perfect place, that God can be given every ounce of credit.
Something happens when you mix prayer and reading your bible. I know this. I've seen this. And so has the devil and he hates it. He would love it if I never picked up my bible again. And he fills your mind with despair, as if you've been gone too long, as if there is no turning back to God. But I know this isn't true. When I was a new christian I spent a great deal of time studying scripture that spoke just the opposite.

Romans 8:38 talks about how nothing can separate us from God.
James 4:8 encourages us to draw nearer to our Lord and he will closer to you.

And yet, I have fallen away. For some reason I have been depending on worldly things to handle life. Problems arise, and I have been worried and panicked instead of handing them over to God. And its dark in this place, and truth be told I feel lost. But I know that I can get back on the path. I want to get back on path. The first step will be picking up the bible, my rays of light, and praying as soon as I am done with this post. And watch the devil shrink away as I do this.

Luke 22:31 in which Jesus tells Simon that the devil has asked to sift him like wheat, Jesus is so calm. I am sure Simon was freaking out- but not Jesus. And the really cool thing is that Jesus, being who he is, could have put a stop to it and said that there will be NO sifting. But, he doesn't. He says, Simon, the devil has asked to sift you like wheat. And I have prayed that your faith should not fail. Jesus has prayed on behalf of Simon and even though he knows his faith will fail, he also knows that he will return to him. He says "when you return to me, strengthen your brothers."

I hope that I am even half of what Simon was. And I want to return to our Lord, stronger, and strengthen others. The devil can sift me all he wants. My faith is strong. And even though we all get distracted every once in a while, its great to know that it is never to late to make our way back.